Another day at the clinic

My daughter and I

MY VERY FIRST BLOG POST EVER!!

I decided to write a blog about my journey thru cancer.    I don't say fight because this is not MY fight, this is God's fight. I must trust that God knows what he is doing and there is a great blessing at the end of this dark tunnel.

I want to share with my friends and family my daily life.   I guess with my internet presence you only see the pretty pics and think I am like that all the time. THAT IS SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH. Thank God for my prayer warriors that I call at three am, my sisters and family who help with my daughter and those who give a hug and a kind word of strength and scripture.  

My sisters Stacy, Dana, and brother in-laws Tommy, Christopher, and others, have all been up with me at night, watching my ordeal through chemo, muscle spasms(Charlie Horses), bone pain, and radiation side effects. Also, they have assisted me with my tedious juicing program, specific diet and weight gain and loss.

I GUESS I LIKE TO PUT MY BEST FOOT FORWARD when I am in public and I don't like others to see me sweat. But, my treatments and this cancer causes alot of pain. I did chemo yesterday and I have a bad metal taste in my mouth right now. I did not sleep much last night and was up very early this morning. I was hungry and I did not have much strength. Thank God I made tamales last week and put them in the freezer. I put two of them in a pot and boiled them up. Vegan tamales of course. Yummy.

Last week, I had an Iron overdose at the clinic and was throwing up violently. The nurse had to flush my IV immediately and watch me literally hug the toilet bowl and heave involuntarily. Now these are the things I don't like to share because quite frankly, I am embarrassed. This is not pretty at all. I don't want to remember those times. I want to put these times behind because another medical body response is sure to come.

I spoke with a good friend mine who told me his Dad died from cancer yesterday and he just wanted to hear my voice. He wanted to know that I was ok since I going thru a similar thing. One thing I have learned, everyone handles medical treatment differently and until you are in the hot seat yourself, you don't know what your threshold is.     Some can handle Chemo, some cannot.    Some need pain meds, some have less pain.  I hope you never find out how Chemo feels.   I don't wish this on anyone. 

Right now, I am hooked up to my daily IV and everyone is talkative around me and I have a desire for quiet. I am still getting awful hot flashes from the treatments. I have a chemically induced menopause as a result of the tamoxifen or the chemo or both. I don't even know anymore. Hold On............................................................................................................... I am having a hot flash right now. Can't type. .....................................................................................................................................................................Ok, I'm back. It lasts for about 5-10 minutes. Here comes the horrible sweat following the flash.. ...................... They initiate chest pain and an enormous surge of heat. It feels like you are in a full, one zipper,  heavy leather, catsuit, with the zipper being stuck, in the middle of July, in Alabama, standing behind a bus exhaust.

I am alone here on the other side of the country. This is hard.  I have gone to church and met some church members.  They are so kind,  but I miss my home.    I had two other girls here with me doing treatments and they are finished. They don't have to come back until their follow up in about six months. I still don't know how long my treatments are until I do more tests, and see what the deal is after 6 weeks of treatment. I miss the sister support and the Christian support from my girls. God bless them. They are back with their husbands and families. I don't have a husband, (one day I hope I get a good one.) but I have wonderful sisters and dear friends that love me and I love them.

I miss my daughter. She is with my sister in Alabama. She misses me also. She is the reason why I remain strong during this struggle. God brought her into to my life for such a time as this so I would have something to fight for. She has had to stay with my sisters or with her "Nana and Papi" often when I have to go away for treatments. They love her but I still want to be and will be her mother. She needs to get her hair re braided.

I have moved around so much i don't know where I live anymore. I have been through 4 oncologists, 2 surgeries, and 4 holistic doctors thus far. I try not be upset with such a path and not having a direct route to my healing. I am learning to trust that God knows what he is doing. This is hard because, baby, I AM TIRED, but not defeated. I am still waiting for that consistent good medical report. i have had a few good reports, but mostly not good.

I will try to blog at least once a week, when i am well enough.  I want to keep the family informed.   I don't like showing the hard times thru this journey because I live it everyday. When I am in public, people even say i look great. I am usually am in some form of pain all the time in public. I am so glad to see people and loved ones, that I smile thru pain. Also, i know that I am back in treatment when the weekend is over and don't want to think about cancer for a moment, an hour, a day.

Pray for me today, right now.

Peace, Love and God bless,
June April